my amateur photography

i love how with photography you can take something so simple & find the beauty in it.
within the past year or so i've found photography to be a great outlet for me to take something like a leaf or a rock, & make it beautiful & share it with others.
i'm no prfessional but i hope to grow in it.

friends & family

the people around you greatly effect your life...
friends & family most importantly.
this past year has been a great year for me, & i have been fortunate to have the best of both in my life

there's nothing like seeing the hardships in other people's family life to make you appreciate your own family.
my mother especially, growing up with only her i didn't realize how much she did for me, but now i look back & its clear..
& the man she married has been nothing but good to me & my siblings & welcomed us with open arms to his household.
i would almost say he has been a better father than my own.

then i turn to look at my friends & there are two wonderful ladies..completely different..that have supported me so much through this past year & i am so grateful for them.
arielle cardona & ryangreen!!
one has always been an ear to listen & never judge me & inspires me a lot,
& the other has been my mother keeping me in line & loving me unconditionally.

& then there's this new group of people i've gotten to know recently
& i am completely & utterly obsessed with them
they are the kind of people that just by seeing them brightens your day.
they love the Lord as much as i do & just that is a great reason to get to know them
they're weird & different & stay at my house until 4 AM!
but i wouldn't have it any other way
there guys have brightened my year
& i feel like a new person

a year ago this time i was not the person i am now,
i was dependent on others opinions of me for my value,
& cared solely on the one thing least important in my life..me.
my new outlook on friends & family has brought me closer to God,
& i appreciate more what i took for granted not too long ago
the people that make those kinds of changes in your life are not people who i ever want to lose.

look around & see what God has given you & search for the opportunities you have to be an impact on another's life the way these people have on mine.

the heartbroken one

well this is kind of an old epiphany i had, but its still good.

this past year unfortunatley i've let my life revovle around one person, & this was not God. at summer camp this year i looked back on ym year & i was ashamed to see the person i became. i know thats not the person i want to be.

i thought about all the heartbreak i had felt that year, & ya i know it was a really old relationship, but i was still feeling reprecussions. i loved this person & i had been totally hurt by them & almost neglected...

then thinking this i felt more guilty, once again i was making my life around this person, but thats the last thing i wanted to do. & it hit me...

the way i had been treated by this person was almost like the way i had been treating God. & God loves me so much more than i loved this guy. so in a way he was heartbroken from the way a was treating him. i know its kind of a stretch, but it makes sense to me. i was making this past year about a relationship that wasn't the relationship i should've been working on; mine & God's.

so i started after camp...putting my best foot forward, trying to patch up my broken relationship with God, i would never want Him to feel the way i felt, & was making him feel.

prayer & oppertunities

have you ever prayed so hard for something but you feel like you're still at a constant struggle with it? i know lately there have been a few things that have been eating at me & prayer hasn't helped alot...then i thought of it in a different way.

people always pray for stuff they want, & i am one of them. but thats not exactly what God wants for me. in this particular case i have been praying alot to overcome a certain kind of distraction in my life, but the more i pray the more i see it coming up...why?

well think of it this way, if you pray for patience, God isn't going to grant you patience just like that. i think he's going to give you an oppertunity to be patient.

so when i pray for help through this struggle, i feel like God is giving me mroe oppertunites to stand up to, to show that i can overcome it. & once i realized that i was ready, almost excited for another struggle so i could conquer it. its alomst like a challenge that i know i can succeed in because God wouldn't give me something too big to get passed.

its been a while

sooo, just getting back from my second annual pals retreat. & i realized i haven't written in this thing in a while. so here's an update i guess...

school starts in a few weeks, not even, & most people are dreading it. but i am so ready. i am about to be so stoked for senior year. my classes are great & i know i share some with some of my favorite people & i am just so looking forward to it.

as for life in general, i feel like there's a new dawn coming. its like i have finally gotten past this huge storm that i've been fighting for a long time & this new beginning has been a long time coming. its kind of tough to say specifics but everything is looking up.

this past summer has been filled with ups & downs. some very interesting moments & quite a few where i've been surprisingly dissapointed in myself. but thankfully my savior is a forgiving being & i could go to Him with it. i've been given so much more grace than i deserve.

recently i thought back to a previous relationship & how broken down i was about it. this was ages ago but i think of how i was treated & how it made me feel. then i thought that that was the exact way i was treating my God. & he loves me so much more than i loved this person, therefore he was so much more heart broken. so since then i try to think of the way treat God in terms of a relationship. its really helped me alot. :]
although i was really sad for the way i acted...its sucks realizing that everything is not about you, i can be so selfish sometimes.

moving on to happier things, senior year is going to be amazing then there's college thats just going to blow everyone away. its reaching the end of the beginning & all i can do is hang in there & hold on.
:]

friends..

what exactly makes a friend? it seems like there's always so many people out there you know, whether really well or hardly at all, but then you have all these internet sites like myspace & facebook where people have hundreds of "friends"..but some of the people on there you can't even stand?!


so what is a friend? recently i've discovered who my true friends are. they're someone i don't have to try around. someone who has fun with me, & although may get annoyed with me, really doesn't care, because we are that close. & most important someone who will always be there for me. & knows when i am being a complete idiot & is like "you are being retarded, stop that now before i punch you in the face"...or something like that. :)

i, like any other person, make mistakes. i have made friends with all the right people, then a few of the wrong, lost some of them, & then found some of the lost ones. but the friends i have now are the best!!& are a mix of a couple of those types. there are a few that are the right ones. they make me so much of a better person, call me out when i mess up, & although at first i don't like it, its always for the better. we always have fun together & we love eachother unconditionally.


i look back & think of the best friends i had in middle school, or even last year, that i don't even talk to anymore. i grew up, they grew up, & the things that made us friends before faded. we got into different scenes & stuff like that but i'm happy, & i'm sure they are too..


friends are a mystery. you never really know who God has planned for you to be close with, you pull you out of those crappy moods & cheer you up, & yell at you in that mommy voice when you mess up. but somehow you find the perfect people to complete your life & keep you accountible & help you be the person you want to be. right now i know that i have all the right people for this time in my life. & i wouldn't have it any other way. :)

wearing a smile

“Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
-John Ruskin



lately i've found much joy in the small things. a little flower in the grass. the fact that the sun has been shining almost everyday recently. seeing a baby smile. watching someone open a door for someone else. people want to be happy, thats just a fact, but people expect something big & great to happen in order to put them in that happy mood. uhhh, if thats you then expect to be unhappy alot.

go stand outside & look up. the world is emense & you are small. but you are alive. you have family & friends. there are people that love you. God loves you. & all that is so much more than enough to satisfy anyone.

learn to find happiness in the simple things & you will never be dissapointed. but also remember not to sweat the small stuff. so someone doesn't like you or you can't find the right thing to wear or you may have troubles bigger than that even. but take it to God. & look at the little things. there's always going to be someone who is worse off, & even better off, but you are where you are & only you can change it.

choose to be happy. :)

& choose to make others happy..


Five Rules for Happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less



“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be”.
- Marcel Pagnol

try & take me

have you ever tried to steal a pen out of someone's hand while it was in a fist? its practically impossible, no matter how much you out size the person.

God is the fist & we are the pens, with Him there is no way anyone can take us away from Him. allow Him to hold you!!

No one can snatch them away from me, for my Father has given them to me, & he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand.

John 10:29

getting away

i just got back from camp yesterday, camp Alto Frio. & i just have to say that it was one of the most fun weeks of my life! The speakers, Jaymi Blankenship & Josh Humbert, were amazing!! & Rush of Fools played & they are now one of my new favorite band!!
the theme for the week was rescued & the messages were fantastic. God spoke to many people at the camp while we were there & many lives were changed. its so nice to get away from real life & be in a completely new enivronment. its give you alot of perspective, if anything i can say that is alot of what a got this week; a new perspective.
:]

where to go?

We just need to quit choosing our owns paths & asking God to bless it; the path the God already has planned for us is already blessed..

-Aaron Powers, Real Camp '08

something new..

so recently i've learned that no matter how much crap happens..in the end everything is always ok. don't stress over the little things. there's somone bigger out there who's got your back. enjoy life, be happy, & just take things as they come.

:)

pieces don't fit..

so..i don't know what but something lately has felt different. there is a change coming on & i don't know if i am ready for it or what. maybe its friends or activities or somethingg..but its different. things that were normal before seem to be something i have to reach for instead of something that can just naturally happen, but its not bad. just different.

coming up this week is camp at alto frio. there's going to be a great speaker & a great band. i am hoping everything else follows in suit. GREAT! i won't know too many people but i am ready to get away & just be with God, & i am hoping this week really does it for me.
i need it bad.

other than that, feel like life is just there passing by while i catch little pieces of it. i need to grab it & hold on tight. this summer is getting away from me & there's still so much i want to do. after all these are supposed to be the greatest times of our lives....right?

plesant..

although today has been filled with much nothingness..i am surprised at how plesant it has been. spent some time with the mom running errands & presently i am looking up new music recommened by a friend. in the stillness of the day i have found some joy.
& so considering that i normally am the type of person that has to be busy, busy, busy all the time.. today has turned out to be a better day than previously expected.
looking up new music has got to be one of my favorite things to do..so any suggestions i am always open.
:]

ready?

so this summer has been so crazy. the ups and downs overwhelming..and it seems like i am always busy with work & traveling & making time for friends, everything has been such a blur. & on top of that i have to start college stuff soon as well. who knows how that will go?
summer is almost half over & this has got to be the greatest summer yet..for the most part its pretty high up there. there was camp! a great..unexpectedly great...experience. i became good friends with new people, rekindled some old friendships, & got closer to the friends i already have.
i have high expectations for the rest of this summer..& even higher for this upcoming year. i hope everything works out for the best. after this comes the real world..& we all want to be ready for it.
hold on guys! here it comes!!